Utopia : The Land of My Soul
Monday, August 28, 2006
Its raining work.....
The saying goes, "Don't utter about your happiness aloud, the devil crosses it!". Its true. I can stand by that. As long as I was clamouring for work secretly, it was going peaceful, nothing rough on the work front. But the moment I took a step further to let the world know about my boredom with laidback-on-armchair life in office, i invited a spate of queued up work. It doesn't seem to end now. the rain outside will never let the Sun be the dazzling ball of fire, and the lined up work will never let me laze out .
How mean! I know I'm sounding paradoxical. Can't help. Granted i wanted to swim into the pool of work, but not into the river. Now, whose going to go and say the boss that a pool and a river are not the same. Well no point in cribbing I'm done for. Nothing can save me from the splurge. Not even a blog writing! though last time it really helped. Hmmmm... seems all the dreary fantasies come true .
Phew! To have thought of such a thing, to complain about my "no work" status was in itself a crime. And no crimes go unpunished. So, here I'm , sitting like a hand-tied fool sulking over my outrageous deed, crying over the spilled beans. Hey, Mr. beans come and pick them up. And on some of your ludicrousness onto me . May be that way I'll be a better beast of burden!
Labels: Miscellaneous
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Ah! No work day again!
Today is again no work day for me. Its not that, the leisure at work doesn't fascinate me. Yes its quite lucrative to sit idly before the inhuman, non-responsive machine, logging into unknown domains to scramble for something worthwhile simply to kill the time.But not for long. Slowly the sluggishness of the clock, which seems to have stopped ticking, starts drawing the wistful eyes in hope of seeing it run fast. The fatigue of being unoccupied exhausts the brain, a dullness takes over and eyes become weary of looking around for something to happen to fix the minds on. Even the utopic concept of leading the life of a Lotus Eater (which at times of tremendous pressure becomes Heavenly) is hateful, disgusting!
Previouly, (I'm taking about the history 5 days old) I had ample provisions to while away leisures surfing a God blessed Orkut. Scraps were the most awaited thing and I used to be a scrap'aholic desperate to make my scrap box gain momentum by going on ticking. Scraps used to fill in quite incessantly and I made sure to check my scrapbook every 2 minutes and posted a quick reply to ensure that i was too busy. How I envy my 5 days older version of Amu, now!
Some neurotic flibbertigibbet- sadist- masochist- victim of nepotism, screwed up my (along with the rest of my office mate's as well) happiness by blocking the fountain of joy. The never-to- be redeemed secret pleasure to keep in touch with a host of friends and acquaintances, during working hours, is a thing of the past. Its absence is so much an eye sore, that the privileged leisure no more seems such. It grills me. Now, being alive and working sounds a better idea to me than being alive and lazing away, doing fruitless stuffs. I have tried to peek into other collegues' monitor just to catch up with what substantial thing they are into.
Just the glimpse of them doing sensible official work, is strong enough a reason to take my eyes off from their monitor. In such state of limbo, (i will call it such because trying to do something out of nothing, is anything but a confused state) even my passion to write doesn't turn me on. Words create a whirlpool in my mind, ideas clutter,fingers on the keyboard fail to move fast and sentences become monotonous jargons as if trying to explain some rude technicalities. And I hopelessly go on scribbling rubbish untill it stretches too long for me to continue anymore. O, a pitiable condition. I know people will laugh at my foolish despondency to look for work, and friends at office will scoff at me for trying to be a maniac. But I wish to put them in my shoes to help them understand better what I go through.
Honestly speaking, on such days I pray for the office hours to be over much before the scheduled time. ( An improvisation on the thought: No Office rather!) The prospect of bunking office like the good old college days, excites me to no end. But the illusory temptation recedes to the background and the reality check shoves in "You're in corporate world honey, work or no work You are to sit fixedly at your place, even though you may have to fight against yourself to look busy neck deep". This bit of chime and here I am, making the best use of office resources - the free internet access (except for a few sites denied access) - to virtually put forward my heartfelt emotions. Sigh! the world will remain unnerved, thinking not to scratch its head over trifle.
Previouly, (I'm taking about the history 5 days old) I had ample provisions to while away leisures surfing a God blessed Orkut. Scraps were the most awaited thing and I used to be a scrap'aholic desperate to make my scrap box gain momentum by going on ticking. Scraps used to fill in quite incessantly and I made sure to check my scrapbook every 2 minutes and posted a quick reply to ensure that i was too busy. How I envy my 5 days older version of Amu, now!
Some neurotic flibbertigibbet- sadist- masochist- victim of nepotism, screwed up my (along with the rest of my office mate's as well) happiness by blocking the fountain of joy. The never-to- be redeemed secret pleasure to keep in touch with a host of friends and acquaintances, during working hours, is a thing of the past. Its absence is so much an eye sore, that the privileged leisure no more seems such. It grills me. Now, being alive and working sounds a better idea to me than being alive and lazing away, doing fruitless stuffs. I have tried to peek into other collegues' monitor just to catch up with what substantial thing they are into.
Just the glimpse of them doing sensible official work, is strong enough a reason to take my eyes off from their monitor. In such state of limbo, (i will call it such because trying to do something out of nothing, is anything but a confused state) even my passion to write doesn't turn me on. Words create a whirlpool in my mind, ideas clutter,fingers on the keyboard fail to move fast and sentences become monotonous jargons as if trying to explain some rude technicalities. And I hopelessly go on scribbling rubbish untill it stretches too long for me to continue anymore. O, a pitiable condition. I know people will laugh at my foolish despondency to look for work, and friends at office will scoff at me for trying to be a maniac. But I wish to put them in my shoes to help them understand better what I go through.
Honestly speaking, on such days I pray for the office hours to be over much before the scheduled time. ( An improvisation on the thought: No Office rather!) The prospect of bunking office like the good old college days, excites me to no end. But the illusory temptation recedes to the background and the reality check shoves in "You're in corporate world honey, work or no work You are to sit fixedly at your place, even though you may have to fight against yourself to look busy neck deep". This bit of chime and here I am, making the best use of office resources - the free internet access (except for a few sites denied access) - to virtually put forward my heartfelt emotions. Sigh! the world will remain unnerved, thinking not to scratch its head over trifle.
Labels: Miscellaneous
Monday, August 14, 2006
Growing up
I have left the habit of sulking over trifle,
I have finally grown up a bit.
Don't think it came easily to me
Without any dear cost.
A great many things have been brutally at stake,
A great many painfully lost.
But one thing is for sure, I have never
Learnt to bother being tough.
Sometimes at leisure I do ponder
What does growing up really mean?
Is it to be pragmatic and end up
Butchering softer emotions?
Or is it being sensibly sensitive to all
The problems, inhibitions and pretentions?
But a ripened brain doesn't feel like
Answering an inkling.
I have seen people camouflaging the own self,
Breeding a new personality to project.
So it does become mandatory to put on
Masks in public,
Smile the way you do charity, and
Talk gingerly like a wise fool.
I have learnt not to dare to show up any sentiments,
You are brazened if you open up.
If this is all about growing what people trem as "matured",
I definitely don't want to become one.
To let go off peace, security and innocence I don't want to lie
Couched in their suffocative coffins.
I don't want to breathe in polluted air while clamouring for
Oxygen to get me going.
Living without vitality, warmth, tabooing altruism and live serenely selfish
Can be a masochist's pleasure dome not mine!
But how can I ever claim to the world that I'm fully grown up ,
Without being a member of the herd?
Labels: Looking back
Goodbye
Just when I was going away,
You turned front and called my name.
That one moment I wanted the life to pause, to freeze.
I thought what better time to make amends for deeds wrongly done
and things unsaid.
But you came back only to bid me farewell!
I could barely open my lips to utter some soft spoken nothings,
Had to gulp down quietly the pain to shun back bitter tears,
Forcing to well up in the eyes. It hurt, it stifled me, choked me...
I wished a thousand deaths to relieve me from the thorn stuck in the heart.
But somehow I gathered up the courage to show the courtesy
To smile back despite sniffles and sighs.
And at last my misfortune made me wish you Goodbye!!!
You turned front and called my name.
That one moment I wanted the life to pause, to freeze.
I thought what better time to make amends for deeds wrongly done
and things unsaid.
But you came back only to bid me farewell!
I could barely open my lips to utter some soft spoken nothings,
Had to gulp down quietly the pain to shun back bitter tears,
Forcing to well up in the eyes. It hurt, it stifled me, choked me...
I wished a thousand deaths to relieve me from the thorn stuck in the heart.
But somehow I gathered up the courage to show the courtesy
To smile back despite sniffles and sighs.
And at last my misfortune made me wish you Goodbye!!!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
To A Friend
Never say never again,
Never say that you want to die,
Never say that you are alone,
Never say that you will cry.
Never say that you spite me,
Never say that you promised none,
Never say that you want to break free,
Never say that all cherished is done.
Never say that your forbearance is over,
Never say that you or I fall short,
Never say that your feelings are dried,
Never say that the truth is distort.
From A Friend.
Never say that you want to die,
Never say that you are alone,
Never say that you will cry.
Never say that you spite me,
Never say that you promised none,
Never say that you want to break free,
Never say that all cherished is done.
Never say that your forbearance is over,
Never say that you or I fall short,
Never say that your feelings are dried,
Never say that the truth is distort.
From A Friend.
The good old college days
Sometimes back, I was obsessively jealous thinking my place had been captured
By some new fresh face, ready to create yet other vignettes of new episodes.
But each time I thought to reason out I was left with one consolation, that memories do never part. Remembering the farewell was so simple yet so stiflingly wretched, the more I cried the more memories rushed in to fill up the empty spaces of my mind.
An unknown fear clasped me ....
That memories fade out into the mists of the mind like chimera,
Often leaving the footprints which cannot be evaded .
But to my relief....
Just when I was going into the cold realm of oblivion,
You turned your face towards me and sweetly called my name.
That gossamer moment I wished the life to pause, to retrace the steps back;
And plunge forward to have a glimpse of all that was a passe, a dream;
And bathe in the same old gleams of sunlight to say 'cheers'!
How could you slip from my mind when you always belonged to me, me and only me?
But when you came back like a mirage, you came only to remind me of the farewell.
I could barely open my lips to protest, gulped down the pain silently.
How I wished to leap across the bounds of hurdles to hold your hands!
I smiled back at you despite all sniffles and sighs and welled up tears in my eyes.
I still remember my courtesy to wave and utter" Goodbye"!
